I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
