Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
