Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
