Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
