I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
