First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
