I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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