How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
