Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
