I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
