So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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