I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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