we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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