just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
