you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
