Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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