Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
