So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
