the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
