Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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