Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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