i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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