Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
