I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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