How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
