Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
