Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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