If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
