How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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