i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
