you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
