can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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