i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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