I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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