I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
