Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
