I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
