You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
