The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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