Got a toothbrush?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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