Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
