woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
