So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
