my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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