So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
