Just took my morning after pill in the library
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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