Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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