Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Couch. On fire.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
