u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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