I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this is an emotional support booty call
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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