Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
