i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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